Back on Track?

I kind of freaked out over the past 48 hours. Time is so scarce that it catches up to me and plays games with my mind. I guess my tendencies towards paranoia do not help that kind of situation at all.

I go on these little missions of crash and burn where i turn into the DESTRUCTOR and wreak havoc in my own life. It's ridiculous and immature but it's an old habit that i am highly skilled at and it's a tough one to kick.

I have quit and re-quit smoking a million times in the past four weeks. It's a farce. An embarrassing farce. I have made some progress, but i have not accomplished the goal. Every day is a new day, but it seems like just a new day to fuck up.

Tomorrow i will hit the gym. That's what i said. Let's hope i actually do it.

This obssession i have with getting healthy (healthier - there's no need to be extreme here) has much to do with my mental state. My brain has come a long way in the past couple of years, but it has further to go. I need to work on getting along with people.

Things are not bad though, they are good. I cleared up some stuff that was bugging me and it removed a great weight that i never should have had in the first place.

I hate the feeling of derailing, and the only thing to do about it is to climb back on. And so here i go again, back in the races.

Love baby, love, and all good things will be yours.